6/1/2023 0 Comments Biff communication![]() In his Psychology Today article, Bill Eddy described a letter from a fired employee to her former human resources manager. Then end on a friendly note as described above. If you need an answer from the other person, request a yes or no by a certain date or time, or offer two choices. The idea is to prevent the situation from segueing into an argument. End your note or bring the conversation to a close. It also demonstrates that you have good self-control.įIRM. This can have a calming effect on the other person which may help de-escalate the situation. Show some empathy for the other person, and be sure to close on a positive, friendly note. Just stay focused on providing relevant information.”įRIENDLY. It’s about their inability to manage their emotions and responses. ![]() In a Psychology Today article, Bill Eddy, the Training Director at the High Conflict Institute in San Diego, explained, “You don’t need to defend yourself when another person is being hostile. Provide only information keep your response void of emotion, opinion, argument, drama, and defense. Three or four sentences is usually sufficient – saying too much risks kindling an argument. So even if what you received from the other person was several pages long, it’s important to keep your response short. When your response is brief, it gives the other person very little to respond to. A BIFF response not only puts a stop to hostilities, but also leaves you feeling good about yourself. BIFF is a four-part way to respond to insults, accusations, and hurtful comments. It’s BIFF.īIFF is an acronym that stands for brief, informative, friendly, and firm. But…if you don’t fight fire with fire, what can you do? You can’t ignore them, so how should you respond to hotheads, blamers, and antagonists?įortunately, there is a better way. And, because you’ve now gotten down in the mud yourself, it is hard to feel good about your response-you’re better than this. While launching a kneejerk, retaliatory verbal missile of your own might make you feel vindicated for a moment, it will only escalate the conflict, which guarantees that more hurt will soon be on its way back to you. But experts in high-conflict communication say that’s not the best response. The insults hurt, and when someone throws you under the bus, it’s hard not to hit back with some harsh words of your own. Maybe you’ve even been the target of a social media meltdown. This book can help you reduce the conflict and regain your sanity by learning what to write and what not to write.If you’ve got high-conflict people in your life, you’re probably no stranger to angry text messages or long, blaming emails. While it's simple and practical, it's not natural for most of us because we are hooked by the emotional intensity. When parents use this approach, not only do they feel good about their end of the written or verbal conversation, but it tends to influence the other parent to communicate more productively as well. Complete with instructions in the four-step BIFF method, and numerous practical examples, readers will learn the intricacies of their new parenting environment. This third book in the BIFF(TM) Conflict Communication Series is especially devoted to parents dealing with issues during, and after, separation and divorce. How can you regain a sense of control and peace for your own sake and for the kids?įor more than a decade, the BIFF method of responding to hostile and misinforming emails, texts, and conversations has grown in use by thousands of people dealing with a difficult co-parent and with those who may have a high conflict personality, and it helps with those who don't. In divorce and co-parenting, not only do you need to deal with your own emotions, you may be faced with a daily barrage of hostile calls, texts, email, and social media blasts. Use BIFF to Communicate with Your Ex's Blaming, Accusing and Taunting Texts and Emails Using BIFF will give you hope that change is possible." A.C., parent I couldn't help my children because I couldn't help myself and until I learned new tools, felt hopeless. My life did not change until I began to read and understand and start using tools like BIFF. The first step is to admit that you are outmatched in every way except for the ability to learn new skills related to the high conflict personality. " Coparenting is hard in any circumstance and when doing it with someone that has a high conflict personality, can seem impossible.
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